I was brought up in an Italian Catholic Home in Watertown, MA. While, as a child, I don’t recall going to Church with family, I do remember my grandmother always praying and teaching me to pray. Beyond that, we never really practiced our faith as a family.
I was enrolled in a Parochial school in 1969. This was shortly after Vatican II, so the Church was in a state of transition. Things were confusing in those days. In grammar school, we had mostly "old school" Dominican nuns. We were fed a steady diet of fire and brimstone. I remember seeing God as, was waiting for me to slip up so He could send me to hell. If I was lucky I could look forward to a few centuries of purgatory for swearing during recess. In junior high, things were different. Matters of faith were reduced to singing "Kumbaya" around the campfire and getting "warm fuzzies."
By the time I was Confirmed, I knew enough externals to follow along with the crowd and fake it. The fact is; I was never properly evangelized. Yes, I was told "Jesus loves you." However no one introduced me to Jesus. Further His love was presented as being conditional. Three years prior, at age thirteen, I suffered the loss of my father. As a result, I had developed a rebellious streak. What little evangelization I was receiving, I was not truly open to. It was not long before I fell from the Church. Eventually I became an atheist.
At age twenty, I was using drugs -- I discovered cocaine and it became my drug of choice. I became addicted. At the age of twenty-one, I nearly died of an overdose. I had snorted roughly a half ounce in 24 hours. They had to resuscitate me. This caused me to stop for a while, but only to return over and over again. I had some "dry" periods during which I’d seek out different kinds of highs.
I would start new job or even businesses. After becoming successful, I would find the success as empty as the high the drugs gave.
Around 1987, I started dealing. Within a few months I was a wholesale operation. I was dealing to dealers who dealt to other dealers. I had people working for me as well as several vehicles, beepers and so on. For just over a year, I was making money and spending it just as fast.
In the late spring of 1988 I had a revelation of sorts. I began to believe in a God, so to speak. So I decided, in my warped thinking, that if I was going to deal drugs, I would have to show some integrity. I always kept my word, made sure the other guys all made money. I never cut my product with anything unhealthy. Further I contributed to various charities. I saw myself as a "broker in a modern commodity", not a criminal punk who was lucky to be alive, who should be in jail.
During this year I started to do more and more of the drug myself. I snorted all my profits, spent all my capitol and wound up in debt by the end of 1988.
I had finally hit rock bottom. I knew I needed to change and that I was powerless to do so on my own.
One of my friends had recently quit himself. He had become a Born Again Christian and left the Catholic Church. One evening he shared the gospel (as he understood it) with me. He did not pound it over my head. He just told me that Jesus loved me. He added that I was in sin and needed to repent. If I wanted to be free of this pain, I needed to place my life in Jesus' hands. He also made it very clear that he was, and would always remain my friend, whether or not I became "born again". He assured me that like Jesus, he loved me unconditionally. He left me with a Bible and that was the end of the conversation. I took and placed it on the shelf for a couple of months.
One evening when I got sick of being sick, I picked up the Bible. I remember being in tears and shaking my fist at God. I challenged Him to reveal Himself to me. I told Him I did not believe in the Bible but I'd read it. He could even reveal Himself through the yellow pages if He was God. So it was all up to Him.
I finally got through Matthew on the first night, and some unknown reason I decided to skip Mark and Luke. I proceeded to John. There were study notes in John that instructed the reader on "how to be saved."
They include all the standard evangelical references, John 3:16, Ephesians 2:8-9 Romans 10: 10 and so on.
John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that
whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Romans 10:9-10 That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in
your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.
Ephesians 2:8-9 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it
is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-- and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God-- not by works, so that no one can boast.
Acts 16:30-31 He then brought them out and asked, "Sirs, what must I do to be
saved?" They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved-- you
and your household."
This all seemed too good to be true. The fact that I did not have
to earn Jesus' love and salvation was quite a revelation.
At this point, being skeptical, I put the Lord to the test. I said "Prove it! If this is true then I don't have to be a drug addict any more. You can heal me."
The addiction left me that night. The physical desire for the drug was gone.
Well, I wound up going to my friend's church. Soon after, I was enrolled in a local Bible School. While I was still in school, I was granted a minister's license, based on the calling on my life and sufficient knowledge of scripture.
After leaving school, I was hired by my congregation as an administrator/staff minister. You could compare the position to an associate. I also began to minister in other Churches and para-church groups. I was actively involved in evangelization, music ministry, counter cult outreaches, apologetics and so on.
The church I attended and worked for was not particularly anti-Catholic. It was a Charismatic Baptist congregation. The atmosphere was fairly ecumenical, and soon enough the ministry I was involved with outside my church, led me to play in a Catholic Charismatic music ministry. This was my first exposure to "life" and "fervor" on in the Catholic Church
It was around this time that various new "movements" were spreading out of control in non Catholic Charismatic Churches. I began to see many excesses coming from pulpits that I had once held in great regard. I began to question the whole Protestant system. I asked myself: "Where was the authority to take the pulpit away from these preachers who were getting caught up in the latest wind of doctrine? Who were these men and women accountable to? Why was everyone using the same bible and coming up with different answers?"
I began to question all that I had learned. I began to question the standard Charismatic Dogma that the "initial evidence of the Baptism of the Holy Spirit" was speaking in tongues.
This became a point of contention with both my pastor and his wife. We would argue the point for hours. I held them to the fire. All I wanted was one verse of scripture that stated that the "Baptism of the Holy Spirit" must be accompanied by tongues. We all believed in "Sola Scriptura". But their arguments were all reading into to the scriptures not reading out of them.
.
Finally, in frustration the pastor's wife (also a former Catholic) said: "John we also know it from tradition and experience."
EXCUSE ME ??? TR TRA TRAD TRADITSHH ION !!!!!
It was almost as bright as the revelation of my initial conversion. Within a
week I'd rejected "Sola Scriptura".
I started reading the Early Church Fathers. I figured their tradition was just as good as mine, if not better.
Ignatius of Antioch sold me on the Real Presence. Augustine persuaded me that the Deutero-Canonicals were inspired and part of the canon since 4th century.
Then all of a sudden I started seeing other things in scripture I’d never seen before. The Holy Spirit led me to verses, during my devotion time that I’d just read right over before, but had never seen the implication.
I came across Hebrews 12:1 and 12: 18-25 and Revelation 5:8. I remember asking myself; "How could I have missed this? Here is the Communion of Saints glaring right at me in the New Testament."
My Protestant beliefs were dropping rapidly. My next step was to visit a Greek Orthodox Priest I had developed a relationship with. I figured, why not go to an independent third party, before I jumped into the Tiber. He suggested I purchase the Orthodox Study Bible. I took his advice. However, I found it interesting that all the study notes seemed to be Catholic.
It was time to go to the horse's mouth. I bought a Catholic Catechism and made a life changing telephone call to Catholic Answers. I explained my situation to the receptionist who took my name and number and said someone would get back to me promptly. I did not expect to hear from them for weeks. Five minutes later Jim Akin called me back. He was very understanding as I tentatively told him of my search for the truth. I was not convinced that the Catholic Church was the place for me and told him so. He was very understanding and did not pressure me in the least. But he broad sided me when we ended the conversation. He said "God Bless and by the way welcome home." That last comment simultaneously struck fear and comfort in me. I knew he was right. I yearned to be "walking in the truth", but I was in fear of the changes in my life that the truth would bring.
From July of 1995 to Pentecost of 1996 God brought me on a whirlwind trip of discovery. As Scott Hahn put it in his conversion tape, at a certain point God takes over and it all takes on a supernatural dimension that surpasses intellectual study. Every time I had a question God would bring me a new person to give me an answer. Mostly he brought lay folk who were devout and not afraid to share their faith. Often times I'd be struggling with something so I'd turn on the TV to relax. As was now my habit, I flip on EWTN to find Jeff Cavins, Scott Hahn, Father Ken Roberts, or Fr. Groschel with my answer.
Some where in my journey, I discovered a 24 hour Adoration Chapel. By now I believed in transubstantiation. I knew that was Jesus. If I could not receive Him at the Altar, I could worship as His feet like I’d never done before. I recall the irony, here I was a Protestant minister praying the Rosary at all hours of the night in front of the Eucharist. It was during this period that my prayer life began to change. My prayer changed from, "God what do I do?" To, "How do I do it?" To, "How are you going to do this for me, Lord."
I was getting more and more outspoken at my Church during this time. God only knows how many prayer meetings went on behind my back. I'm sure they were all binding the spirit of confusion that was attacking brother John (incidentally, I don't mean to slam my former pastor and fold, they are great folks and I often visit).
Well, on Pentecost Eve 1996, I had to play at a huge Charismatic Mass. Cardinal Law was the celebrant. I was dragged over to him and introduced. My friend mentioned to the Cardinal that I was a Baptist minister who is ripe for the picking. The Cardinal smiled, gave me a few words of encouragement and recommended Scott Hahn's work (by then I was familiar with Dr. Hahn. His series on Romans had been instrumental for me). Then the Cardinal laid hands on me and gave me a blessing. I felt something, something very strong. I felt a connection with the whole Church through out history. I was aware that I was standing in front of a successor of the Apostles. I also knew that I'd be home very soon.
The following business day my pastor called me into his office and said, "we need to talk. John this is not working out very well, this is a Protestant Church and you keep on referring to the Reformation as a great rebellion. You are making your views very public. You are free to believe what you want and stay here, we only require that Jesus Christ is the Lord of your life for you to be a member. But you can't preach this stuff and remain in the ministry here."
At that point I told him I needed to be a Catholic. He said, "Yes, I know,
but you'll be back. The Church you've read about, does not exist in
practice." With that, he gave me his blessing to leave.
One week later I was received back into the Church.
To complete the story, that friend who had left the Catholic Church and led me to Christ was received back into the Church in November of 1997.
I will forever be grateful for all that God has lead me through. I do not look back at my years as a Protestant with regret. I owe my love of Scripture and desire to evangelize to the wonderful training I received from my former Pastor and wonderful teachers in Bible School.
I’m also grateful to the many people that God brought my way, who patiently answered all my questions and willingly engaged me in debate. Were it not for Catholics willing to defend their faith, I might never have found mine.
I must also thank people like James Akin and Karl Keating at Catholic Answers for their support during my journey.
Finally my I am grateful for my grandmother who taught me to pray as a child. I’m sure she was praying for me every step of the way, even as I delivered my first public sermon in 1992 at her funeral Mass.
Romans 11:36
For of him, and through him, and to him, are all things: to whom be glory for ever. Amen.